It’s always been her. The moment I saw her I knew. I’ve never seen anything so beautiful. She is so small, 4’11- maybe 100 ibs., but so strong. She has deep eyes, they are colored something between purple and blue. Her eyes are sweet but there is something wild beneath. Her hair is golden and catches the stage lights as she dances. I need to know her. For months I try. She passes over me. Needless to say, I’m disappointed. She is married to a woman, she’s very unhappy but always goes back to her. I see the light fall in and out of her eyes based on the status of her relationship. As our relationship grows, so does her trust in me. She’s begun to see the masks I own. She knows I can’t control myself from using them often, this scares her. She takes me as her best friend, disregarding her fear. She loves me. I love her, though she will never understand how much. I keep my emotions separate from our friendship, she doesn’t need another lover- so many want to possess her, she needs a friend. So a friend is what I will be to her, I find satisfaction being at her side along her journey. This continues for two years….
I see her. I see the ice behind her eyes. Her wife and her are fighting again. She says she’s truely done this time, I don’t believe her. Weeks pass, the wife has been gone this whole time. I start to believe she’s truely given up on her marriage. She’s begun seeing new people but the ice remains. Until I saw it start to crack, the day she really saw me, I saw her see me. Before we knew it we had collided.
Being with her was like being home. She felt warm and smells like the ocean. She fit well with me. Our bodies both small but filled with passion as I find my way between her legs. She’s a quiet when she comes. It’s adorable. She looks into my eyes as breaths out satisfaction, she sobers a bit. She doesn’t understand where this came from. She’s unsure of what to do. She’s angry at me. I’m the cause of her confusion. She says it can only be me and her- my little Capricorn, with her horns ready and hooves firmly planted. She’s ready for a fight. “That is not who I am. I love you, I want you, but it can not be just us. I love many.” She rejects me. Casts me off. This is the patten we share. We both live by the moon and the sea, constantly coming and fading from each other. Sincronicity always brings us back together.
She kisses me deeply, she giggles- she’s drunk. “It’s always been you, always” she says. I know she means this but will never admit it sober- too stubborn. I’m at work, she’s off. We hadn’t told our coworkers about the night we spent together, I enjoyed the secret. She was determined to come out tonight. I went to get off stage and she snatched me into her for another kiss. Everyone was at the edge of their seats, clapping. I can’t help but pull her deeper into me. The kiss turns into a full on make-out. Every eye is on us, stripper and customers alike- our boss interrupts our trance. We go in the back to talk. She professes her love for me, I explain that my feelings are the same. This isn’t enough for her. She needs me to be something that I can not be. She wants me to give up my mask. Let go of my inner demons. Become and angel like her. This is something I can not do. She will never understand- she has always been an angel, she always will be. She loves to fix the broken. She believes everyone needs to be saved. I love the darkness, the burn of the flame, the black of my eyes. I don’t want to be saved. I want her to love me as I am, something I start to realize is unrealistic.
anonymouspolyamorous 